Cancer sucks

As some of you know, my mother has breast cancer...again.
I am at a loss as to how one reacts to the fact that you mother will die of cancer. Yes, I am not the only one who has had to deal with this realization. I know this. For now though, I feel like I am.
My husband is supportive, my friends (the very few that know) ask how she is and all the wonderful things great friends do. At the end of the day, when the kids are in bed and my husband is yet again in Norfolk, I am sitting here realizing that the woman who raised me and loved me...will not die of old age. She will not see her grandkids graduate from high school, she may not even see her youngest daughter graduate from college.
My mother and I have a...cautious relationship. We have hardly ever seen eye to eye, we move through our lives very differently and struggle to respect the others point of view. We are so alike yet so very different. Sometime I think that, yet juvenile, that there is still a part of me that wants to do the exact opposite of what she wants. Silly right?
As we have just in the last few years gotten to a point where we can exist within the same walls for more than 2 hours, I find it infuriating that we may not have time to move past all our crap and really be okay with each other. I am angry that my kids will miss out on their grandma like I missed out on both of mine.
It really all boils down to two words...Cancer Sucks!